Merry Festivas!!!!

Hay gang,

The kids are all busy decorating the old Festivas chair
In hopes that Noah and the Ark would soon sail by there
Josh wants some camo and Ty does too
No problem for Noah, cause they all come in two's

The roads are all flooded after the winter's first snow melt
Perfect sailing weather for Noah and his Ark full of animal pelts
Noah loads his cannon chock full of toys
And shoots the presents down the chimney for all the good girls and boys

As the mermaids pull Noah's Ark down the street
The smell of the holidays fill the air, MMMMMM BBQ meat
Vixen and Dancer and the other 7 mermaids are all hopped up on Skoal
Ready to end the trip and dance around the pole

So another year the Ark sails outta site
One again Noah and the mermaids made everything alright
And as all the children around the world scream and cheer
Noah can be heard exclaiming: "Merry Festivas to all.......now get me a beer!!!"

Eric

I Got Me A Stalker

Hay gang,

I tried to take out a restraining order on an obsessed fan today but the cops wouldn't let me. She's a crazy stalker but the reason the cops wouldn't let me file a restraining order is because she's in a wheel chair. It's getting down right scary for me. Everywhere I go I see her scooting down the sidewalks in front of the building and lately when I'm sleeping I'm having nightmares about her coming at me in her scooter with a knife attached to the handlebars and she stabs me, then backs up and guns it again and again repeatedly stabbing me. Next time I see here I'm gonna slash her tires so she'll have to get a tow to follow me around.

Eric

So Long Terry LaBonte

Hay gang,

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a HUGE NASCAR fan. Well, I spent Sunday November 5th in Fort Worth, Texas at the Texas Motor Speedway watching the NASCAR Nextel Cup race. It was Terry LaBonte’s last race after 29 years of NASCAR racing. Here’s some Terry LaBonte stats: 848 career NASCAR Cup starts with two championships, 22 victories, 27 pole positions, 182 top-five finishes and 361 top-10's. He’s posted a top-10 ranking in NASCAR's final standings 17 times. It was an honor to watch Terry race one last time. Above is a picture of me on pit road next to the garage at Texas Motor Speedway.

Thanx for the memories Terry,

Eric

My Girl Patches

Hay gang,

I used to date this girl that had a patch over one eye. We had to break up though. Seems we just didn't see eye to eye!!!

Eric

Dizzy Chinese

Hay gang,

If you take an oriental person and spin him around till he gets dizzy, does he become dis-oriented?

Eric

Stripper Minister

Hay gang,

I used to know this stripper and she became a preacher. She'd always end her sermons with the same quote: "Keep the Lord on top and the guys on the bottom."

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Eric

Wyatt The Cable Kidd

Hay,

Here's a picture of me and my good buddy Larry The Cable Guy fartin' around on his tour bus. And let me tell ya, if you know Larry, all you do around him is fart around. Larry just had a baby. Congrats to the Cable Guy and the Cable Wife. The little tykes name: Wyatt. Congrats to the Cable Guy, Cable Wife and Wyatt The Cable Kidd!!!!

Eric